Many readers will know the incredulously low regard in which I hold the Miliband Brothers, Nick Clegg and Ed Balls. Indeed I held champagne lunches when Mr Balls and Mr Clegg left office. Indeed I also sent flowers to people in Nick Clegg’s former constituency of Sheffield Hallam (a former home of mine) when he lost his office to congratulate them on their good fortune of not having Mr Clegg as their MP.
Let us now move south to the constituency of Epsom and Ewell. The MP for Epsom and Ewell is Chris Grayling or failing Grayling. Allow me to take a few steps back. Epsom and Ewell has been my on and off home since 1995. I have a large number of personal and commercial ties to the area and I am frequently commuting to Epsom and Ewell from Warwickshire. At this point I must proffer immense thanks to Thames Valley Police for leaving me alone during my frequent high speed drives between the two locations.
Until 2001 Epsom and Ewell was more than well graced by and represented very well at the House of Commons by the more than excellent The Lord Hamilton of Epsom (Archie Hamilton). A gentleman and a scholar. An MP that was liked and respected by reprobates such as myself and local grandees alike. A Pleasure to communicate with as well as I know from 7 or 8 communications with him on the subject of local issues and commerce alike.
Let us also divert to the local politics of Epsom and Ewell. Most local councillors throughout the UK are affiliated to political parties such as the conservatives or Labour and some are independent. I believe though I could be wrong that Epsom and Ewell is the only place in the country that elects all or most of its local ward councillors from the local residents associations. Oh trust me as someone that knows that if you fart drop your cigarette in the wrong place anywhere in Epsom and Ewell that some member of the residents association will be on your case quicker than the quickest thing! The local residents associations are rightly very protective of Epsom and Ewell and very proud of Epsom and Ewell and that is not a bad thing.
Let us get to post 2001. Epsom and Ewell gets Chris Grayling as an MP. I am sure that Jesus wept on that particular day. I have written to Chris Grayling a number of times, the responses I have received from him are always In my opinion wet to say the very least. There has often journalists visiting Epsom and Ewell to write stories to discredit him. Indeed I came across a few on my last substantial visit a month ago. To be fair these visits have been a constituent of Epsom and Ewell life since 2001. I have only seen him out and about once. He was “helping” the local poppy sellers at a stall in the local shopping centre, the Ashley Centre close to one Remembrance Day. He was cracking jokes and you could see from the looks on the faces of various people close by that he was not popular or liked. On another point from back in the day, who remembers the MP’s expenses scandal of 2008 or 2009? Who remembers the MP’s having to publish their expenses online. Well I ran a check on Chris Grayling’s expenses at the time (I used to run an IT Company but I would not want him as a customer). Chris Grayling in the period up to that scandal was ripped off by his IT Suppliers to the tune of at least £3,000!
His response to my email alerting him to this was condescending to say the least. You would never get that from Archie Hamilton.
Chris Grayling’s failings in high office are so well known now that I cannot say much more. It has all been said already. How much has the ferry debacle cost? Even my 6 month old cat could get that one right!
Personally I would never even trust “Failing Grayling” to act as lollipop lady outside an Epsom and Ewell Infants school as let us face it he would fuck that up too.
So to end this blog allow to me pass on my thoughts on “Failing Grayling” and his next steps. “Chrissy Wissy, Failing Grayling” darling, Can you kindly “Foxtrot Oscar” from Epsom and Ewell please and leave the lovely residents in peace? (Ok you can stay but only in a “shared property” in Treadwell road! That cemetery houses a number of excellent local people, so I am not sure they would want you either!) I know I am not the only one who doesn’t want you in the area. Oh and before you do go Chris, just answer one last question, why did your mum and dad not consider contraception or abortion?