Myths about my retirement

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So after announcing a full retirement (here) earlier this week we reach a point where certain myths need to busted.

  1. “I bet you are going love watching Jeremy Kyle all day long!” – I keep bricks next to my sofa to throw at the telly for two reasons. Jeremy F*****G Kyle is one and Man Utd is the other!
  2. “You should take up bowls or something like that” – I’m not suicidal!
  3. “You should get more exercise ” – I can’t walk further than 10 metres without support you F*****G idiot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why do you think I walk on crutches and have a mobility scooter
  4. “I hope you get better soon!” – No chance of that pal! In fact there is more chance of Doncaster Rovers winning the Premier League this season! Why do people say this? I really grinds my gears!
  5. This is my favourite, 10 emails all saying the same. “I will buy your business interests for (inset derisory sum between £1 and £10,000) – Na, go away I know what the market will take and its well into 6 figures! I am selling but not for less than market and I can wait! F*****G Muppets.

Suffice to say it has been an interesting few days. I have had more than a few lovely and supportive messages regarding my full retirement announcement and these I am happy to acknowledge these too including one mate who is persistent in his want to fly over 800 miles for a beer or 3 or 4. I look forward to seeing him at Birmingham Airport in the near future.

Rant Over!

Categories: Gassbagging